Mine
by catpig
Summary: A drabble from Kikyo's POV, her thoughts on the past and the present after her second meeting w Inuyasha following her resurrection. Not Kikyo hatenot exactly love either Please read & review.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Inuyasha or any of its characters. Or much else, for that matter. This is written purely for fun with no profit involved. Don't hurt me.

**The funny thing** is that I've always hated Kikyo. She's obnoxious, popping up like a 'better' version of Kagome, and then being a bitch on top of it. (I hated Sesshomaru for the same reason for the longest time. I know, I know, don't hurt me.) Anyways, one night I was trying to understand her behavior (I think it was way back when she gave Naraku the jewel, which was a real WTF?! Moment) and this just came out. I guess I can't totally hate her anymore.

**Mine**

My life was one of discipline and obligation. I was unswervingly dedicated, virtuous, everything that could be expected of me and more. Naraku has claimed that I met my downfall because I faltered, because I could not be quite perfect enough. It's not true. I was _too_ perfect. It was my benevolence that destroyed me, my sympathy for a wounded man. Few would have forgiven that hateful creature his crimes, endured his baleful stare day after day to provide him comfort he did not deserve. Few but Kikyo, ever merciful. Kikyo the pure, Kikyo the good. The miko's miko. Even the 'weakness' that Naraku accuses me of was only another form of compassion. And what did it ever earn me?

When I first met you, son of a dog, I saw my own isolation in you. My own imprisonment by a world that did not have space in it for me to find who I might be. And writ large across your face was all the sullen, frustrated bitterness that I could not allow myself to feel. Maybe that is what drew me.

You never knew me as the benevolent protectress and healer. To you I was the bitch with the bow. Your regard was not conditional on my remaining a paragon of gentle wisdom. I was your opponent, not your spiritual bastion. Maybe that is why I showed you, an enemy, my discontent. I presented you doubts that I would not have admitted to my own family. They would have been crushed if I had. Anyone in the village would have tried to comfort me, but it would have filled their heart with terror, and for that terror, resentment. You laughed in my face. But you cared. Not about the guardian miko, but about me. The whole village loved me for my strengths; you fell in love with my weakness. Can you ever understand what that meant to me? Or what it did to me to see it betrayed? Perhaps you do. I can only imagine what my love meant to you, a hated outcast.

I woke in this dust shell, full of that pain. Hatred? Yes. Yes, hatred for you, hatred for this world. I had done nothing but right, and it had rewarded me with punishment. The rage is in me still, though it no longer owns me as it did on that mountaintop where I held you to me and tried to blast you with my own hands.

You called on me then to surrender myself. It would have been the right thing to do. I knew that then, and know it now. To give myself up and bequeath what is left of my soul to that sweet-faced child, who enjoys everything I could have wanted from life with none of my sacrifices. None of my discipline. And now she holds your heart. I saw it in your eyes when she called you from me, through spells not meant to be pierced. All of my power with none of the work I put into gaining it. I hate her, my other, happy self. Hate her more deeply than I will ever hate Naraku, who is only a viper's soul living out its nature. The universe has done me an injustice, and she gives that injustice a face and a name. Kagome. It would only be right to peacefully hand all that I have struggled for over to her. I had my chance at life, so what if it did not satisfy my heart? I lived my life by what is right. But that life ended fifty years ago. You are the only thing I ever pursued for myself. I have made all the sacrifices for the higher good I am going to make. You are mine.


End file.
